No one wants acne. Though it is treatable, acne is still a curse of adolescence that’s affecting its sufferer not just physically but also emotionally and mentally.
Acne had taken a big part in my 20’s. I remember the times when the only routine for my face was toner + moisturizer + press powder and I’m done. Life is so simple like that, acne free and stress free. I can go out with confidence even with my naked face way back then, not until when I started having blemishes and worry much about the unstoppable breakouts that’s continuously popping in my face! I was 23 when this disaster started to build up in my face, that was when I was inspired by the advertisement of a popular facial cream in TV, and just around a week of using it aiming to get a better skin with a pinkish white glow like it was advertised but it turns out to be a disaster in me, a frustration, and regret. I realized that it’s not for my skin type but I am amazed by women having a good skin who’s using it. I was so stressed because of that, I am pretty sure it worsens my condition to break out more..
With my obsession with finding a solution for my breakouts and how to get rid of acne, I had tried different facial wash, prescribed creams, lotions, and astringents from my dermatologist. Going to dermatologists is a bit costly but by that time, what I only wanted is to get rid of acne effectively so I only depend on their prescriptions. Some things had helped but it didn’t treat it at all.
My dermatologist prescribed me an acne lotion that I have to apply on my face after applying the astringent, my skin’s reaction is not helping. I had those red patches in my neck and collarbone, which is another reason to attract judgmental eyes. Though the medication had lessen acne in my face, they find a new place in my back haha, they really won’t just leave me alone! He said I am doing it wrong, what he had said upsets me and I just stopped using it! I don’t like the itchy red patches that it caused in my neck!
After that, I switched to using natural remedies in treating acne. It made me more comfortable thus it’s not harming my skin unlike when I used the chemically based prescriptions that had caused me skin peeling and red patches. I also sticked to products that is friendly to my skin.
Concealing and effects of acne emotionally and mentally
People look at me differently when I had acne on my face. Some may think that it’s about poor hygiene that’s why I got it, but that’s not true, in fact, I care so much for my body. I once heard someone talking to her companion referring to me said “Eww, her face is so dirty!”. I can’t blame them for thinking whatever they wanted to, I just don’t like the feeling that someone is looking at my face like I wasn’t clean enough for myself.
There was a time when I went to swimming with my friends and other groups, I can’t help it when the water had washed away my face’s cover up, the guy who’s a friend of a friend told me, “Your face is embarrassing.”! Those were hurtful words that made me feel like I’m an alien in front of them. I was humiliated in front of my friends! I didn’t talk back but deep inside of me, I felt too bad which caused me to socialize less to avoid hearing words I don’t deserve.
When I am out or in public places, let’s say taking a jeepney ride as an example, I feel the eyes of the passengers are into my face. Some were having sneaky and repeated glances at my face while some were looking at me face to face. Their eyes look disgusted by my presence. I feel so small, and that makes me feel sad. If I could just disappear in front of those people, I’ll probably would!
I would be lying if I say that acne didn’t affect me emotionally and mentally. Because the truth is, it lowers my self-esteem. I don’t feel beautiful. I began to lose the confidence of going out without covering up. I find a good concealer that will help me hide my acne somehow! I get too shy when talking to other people and I used to have my bangs covering a certain side of my face trying to cover up.
Anxiety takes place. I become too paranoid about the way I look and the way people look and think of me. I’m also not leaving the house without covering up, I don’t want other people to see how terrible I look with my bare face to avoid hearing rude comments that will make me feel bad even more.
I really hated looking like I have acne, I felt like I am indifferent. Concealing become the best option for me to gain my confidence back. At first, I don’t know how to use it properly, I think I overdid it and it didn’t look good on my face because it was so obvious like I was wearing a mask! Oh my gosh! I’ve been through many experiments with concealer in my face before I learned to make it look more natural with a makeup. It’s such a hassle at first, but as it becomes a part of my routine, I get used to it, and I enjoy doing it now!
While I am taking the medication from my dermatologist, I stopped using concealer and just leave my face with only acne lotion. But still, I am not happy and confident because I look terrible. And when I stop the medication and heal my face from peeling and red patches, I switched back to using concealer again. And I just didn’t stopped by just using concealer, I learned how to do makeup that will at least transform my looks into somehow presentable.
Some may think that I was too exaggerated in telling my story with acne, but I’m just telling the truth. It’s just the way that condition had made me feel that time. Acne was like a curse that I never ever want to happen again, I’m praying that it had totally left me alone.
How makeup made me feel
Makeup and covering up has helped me feel better. It has helped me gain back my confidence and made me feel happy when I look in the mirror. I remember those times before when I am passing through the mirror and took a glance at myself and I felt bad about my facial skin. I was very self-conscious though. And I roughly spent half an hour or more doing my makeup in front of the mirror making sure I’ll feel good when I see myself passing in the mirror and when I am with the crowd and don’t feel like I’m unwelcome and indifferent dirty creature.
Some may say that wearing makeup is not a real beauty. But let’s face the fact that it’s not done with the intention of faking beauty. In dealing and concealing acne with makeup, your main intention is to protect yourself from judgmental eyes, insensitivity and ignorance of others., or your own feelings. If makeup is making you feel good about yourself, what’s wrong with that? It’s not hypocrisy either, it’s just making you feel good about yourself and that’s all that matters.
Over time, I enjoyed doing makeup. I become more passionate with makeup now. And on positive aspects, I look at makeup as an art. Yes, for me, makeup is an art. It changes the way you look. It changes the way you feel.
But I am not doing makeup every day, I am letting my face rest when I’m at home, our skin also needs to breath. Home is where the most comfortable place for me to stay with just my bare face and no makeup at all. I remember when having other people in the house aside from my family, I still cover up haha.. Nowadays, I am happy with my skin. I’m thankful that my skin is getting better now and recovering from acne. My face is almost totally healed now and I am loving my skin more and more because I am not having breakouts anymore even I always stay awake late at night.
I can go out with my bare face now without covering up with makeup and I’m more confident having a clear skin now. But I still do love doing makeup, it’s just not I’m doing it everyday now unlike before when I was suffering from acne and blemishes. I do make up not for anyone, and not to impress the crowd but to make myself feel good and happy.
How about you, how are you dealing with acne? Do you also feel good when you are wearing makeup to cover up?
On my future posts, I am going to share the treatments for acne that I have used and currently using to have an acne free skin. Don’t forget to like my Facebook page (Jhem Says) or follow me on twitter @jhemkitty to get updates of my new posts.